God's Will

"As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned. That's what you call 'God's Will'".

My mom once told me that if I spend my life incessantly planning my future, I won't be leaving any room for God to surprise me, and those surprises are what will make my life better than anything I could have planned. I've said this before, but the older I've gotten, the more sure I've become that my mom is always right.

See, I'm a head-in-the-clouds-heart-on-my-sleeve-dreamer who can never truly be content with the present. Practicality and reality are elusive and unwelcome in my book. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be an adult. I've spent my whole life waiting for life to happen, and it wasn't until very recently that I realized how awful it is to live this beautiful life that way.

On January 24, 2014 I celebrated my golden birthday by turning 24. Growing up, I was so jealous of all the other kids who got to celebrate their golden birthday between the ages of 8-18. "I have to wait til I'm 24...that's so far away...I'm going to be soooo old by then". And surely, I thought, I'd be married and working in the real world. How boring is that??

Yet here I am, fresh off the best birthday I've had to date. As my life has progressed in a way I never imagined, I just can't help but laugh with God at all the times I thought it was sure to go a different way. I'm 24, and I can't tell you when I would've had the time to get married in the past few years. I have known my boyfriend for 3 years now, and wanted to be with him from the first moment I saw him. We would like to get married, but frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. At least not right now. We both need to graduate first.

And that's the other thing, what kid ever says "I want to be in school for the rest of my life when I grow up"? Well, I didn't, but as an adult I'll say that loud and proud. I love being in school. The first day of my Master's degree program, I was dreaming of getting a doctorate one day so I could teach the grad classes I'm currently taking. I love higher education and can't wait to spend the rest of my life caught up in the midst of it.

Yes, I want to be "caught up in the midst" of everything now. My first semester of grad school flew by and it was the best four and a half months of my life. For once, I stopped and told myself "you better slow down and enjoy this because it will be over before you know it, and then you'll just be wishing you were back here again". Because that's my problem. I dream of the future, but then reminisce over the past. Fantasies and nostalgia have become my frenemies.

My new license that I just got expires in 2020 when I turn 30. My first thought was "wow, I'm going to be 30 by then. That's old. Maybe I'll even have kids by then." But I stopped myself. I need to relax and enjoy what I'm doing right now because I will never get to do this ever again. Life will never be exactly the same, and I will never be exactly the same. I don't want to wake up on my 30th birthday sad that I'm not 24 again.

I'm having the time of my life. I am so eternally grateful that God has led me along this path and not the one I planned. So now that my golden birthday has come and gone, something I anticipated for years, my only plan is to enjoy whatever God brings my way. Today is a rare Saturday off, and I plan to get caught up in every moment of it.